How to Ease Intimidation

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By Liz Reyer

RISMEDIA, March 20, 2008-(MCT)-Many of us have felt as though we’re looking up at people at a higher level-not a comfortable position. One way to address this is to reframe them as colleagues and people with whom we can build a sense of shared community. This will help you move away from the sense of separateness that you’re expressing and into a sense of relationship.

The Inner Game

To start, explore the source of your intimidation. What are your assumptions about people who have higher titles-and your assumptions about yourself? Logically, you probably don’t think that authority figures or those you find intimidating have more value as human beings, but your feelings may disagree. You may be afraid that interaction carries risks; look deeply into what those risks might be, and challenge your assumptions. Your goal is to bring yourself to a feeling of equality with those higher in the organization. This isn’t necessarily easy, but it will be very helpful to you.

The Outer Game

Now it is time to plan steps to build relationships with the C-level people around you.

Step 1: Do your research. Spend some time learning about the upper position people you’d like to know better. Learn about what they care about outside of work by finding out which boards they are on, where they make donations, or where they volunteer. Talk to others who know them about their interests. Then, identify areas where you share an interest. For example, perhaps you’re both involved with Habitat for Humanity. Or you may have children who have similar interests. These are starting points for connection.

Step 2: Create opportunities. The easiest thing to do when you’re nervous is to retreat. Instead, create opportunities to engage with the executives in your organization. If you’re invited to social events after meetings, by all means, attend! Try to arrange lunches with members of the executive team, or chat with them before and after meetings. Remember your insights into their interests, and plan some conversation-openers.

Step 3: Be curious. As you get into the conversation, let your natural curiosity about other people take over. Forget about titles and positions, and let the interaction be one between peers who share common ground. Odds are that your counterpart will also engage appreciatively in the conversation.

Here’s a hint: If you start to get anxious, take a few deep breaths. This will help you calm down and stay in the conversation.

These steps will work for building connections with anyone, not just executives. And as you get more comfortable, you’ll feel more natural finding common ground and building bonds-a great contribution to your portfolio of leadership skills.

Liz Reyer is a credentialed coach with more than 20 years of business experience. Her company, Reyer Coaching & Consulting, offers services for organizations of all sizes.

© 2008, Star Tribune (Minneapolis)
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

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