Hearing your kids argue with each other can be frustrating and aggravating. Some rivalry between siblings is to be expected due to factors such as birth order, but if it escalates to the point that your kids are frequently yelling at each other, calling each other names or physically hurting each other, you may have to step in to calm them down and teach them healthier ways to interact.
What to Do When Your Kids are Fighting
Kids often fight with each other to get their parents’ attention. If you ignore an argument, your kids may stop fighting when they realize that it isn’t achieving their desired result.
If the conflict is serious, you may have to step in to defuse the situation. Don’t immediately take sides. You may not have seen or heard everything that led up to the argument. Your kids may be fighting about a toy right now, but they may actually be angry at each other for a completely unrelated reason. The toy may simply be an excuse to take out their frustrations.
Ask what the argument is about and give each child an opportunity to speak without being interrupted. It’s normal for kids to get emotional if they feel that they aren’t being treated fairly. Encourage them to be calm, but don’t cut them off if they’re upset because not being heard will probably make them even angrier.
Once you have determined what the fight was about, figure out if anyone should be punished. You may have to apply the same consequence to both children. For example, if they refuse to share a toy, you can put it away so neither can play with it. Whenever possible, help your kids find a solution instead of doling out punishments.
How to Prevent Fights
Sibling rivalry often occurs because kids feel that parents favor one child over another. Spend time with each child individually every day doing things that that child wants to do.
Recognize and Celebrate What Makes Your Kids Unique
Focus on praising each child’s positive qualities, whatever they may be, rather than using labels or comparing siblings. Encourage each child to pursue his or her goals, even if they are completely different from those of other family members.
Spend Time Doing Fun Things as a Family
Forging happy memories of shared experiences can help siblings bond. Those positive emotional connections can make siblings more willing to share, look at things from the other person’s point of view, cooperate and work together to find mutually agreeable solutions when a conflict arises.
Set a Positive Example For Your Kids
When you get upset at a child or at your spouse, stay calm and communicate in a way that focuses on finding solutions. Modeling that type of behavior will teach your children how to handle stress and conflict in positive ways.
