You want your children to work hard and be successful, but are your expectations realistic? Expecting more than your kids can deliver can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, fear of failure and other problems.
Understand the Dangers of Unrealistic Expectations
If your kids feel that they can’t live up to your expectations, they may feel that your love is conditional and may fear that they’ll be rejected if they don’t meet your standards. That can create intense anxiety and guilt for children and can cause long-term psychological harm. Your kids may feel that they will never earn your approval and will never succeed in life, and they may simply give up on school and other pursuits.
Set Reasonable Expectations
It’s important to have expectations for your children, but they should be realistic. You may dream of having a child attend a particular university or pursue a career in the same field you chose. Even if those are noble goals, they may not be right for that child. Kids have a wide range of interests and abilities, and they learn in different ways and at their own pace.
Focus on Effort and Growth
Having realistic expectations for your kids can motivate them to work hard. Setting goals and achieving them can boost children’s confidence and self-esteem and make them want to aim for even loftier goals.
Stress the importance of working hard, keeping promises and being responsible. Encourage your kids to explore their interests and to try new activities, even if they’re completely different from what others are doing or have done in the past.
Focus on your children’s effort and let them know that making mistakes is part of learning. When a child fails, treat it as a learning opportunity. Identifying a mistake and figuring out what to do differently next time helps kids grow and persevere.
Don’t Make Comparisons
It’s easy to compare a child to a sibling, a friend’s child who is the same age or yourself when you were your child’s age. Resist the temptation to do that.
Every child has a unique personality, strengths and passions. Expecting one child to have the same interests and to excel in the same areas as another can be damaging. A child who feels pressure to conform to an assigned role may feel like a failure and may not learn valuable skills or develop natural gifts.
A child may have completely different goals than you do and may not accomplish as much as you dream of. It’s also possible that your child will pursue a completely different path than you envisioned and accomplish more than you ever imagined.
