Self-esteem can give your kids confidence to take risks, tackle challenges and persevere. Many parents aren’t sure how to improve their children’s self-esteem, and some behaviors that seem helpful can actually backfire.
Find Ways for Your Kids to Develop Competence
Look for tasks that your children can do around the house. Even a toddler can put dirty clothes in a basket and put a book back on a shelf. Teaching your kids that they can accomplish things and contribute can build their self-esteem and give them a sense of control over their lives.
Encourage Your Kids to Persevere
Things that are worth doing often take a lot of work. If your kids feel frustrated or discouraged, encourage them to stay the course and keep working toward their goals. Achieving difficult things can do wonders for their self-esteem and help them when they face challenges as adults.
Focus on Effort, Not Results
Learning a new skill or achieving a goal is a process. It takes time, and there will inevitably be setbacks along the way. Focusing only on end results can backfire. It can make kids think that if they don’t succeed, they will be perceived as failures. That can make them afraid to try new things.
Let Your Kids Make Choices and Take Risks
Giving your kids a healthy amount of independence can boost their self-esteem. Let your kids make their own decisions (in age-appropriate ways that don’t endanger anyone’s safety). If you realize that a child is making a mistake, in many cases, it’s best not to step in. If you stay out of the way, the child will have an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson.
Provide Praise That Is Sincere and Specific
Praise can build children’s self-esteem, provided that you mean it. Saying “Great job!” even when a child is doing something incorrectly can create an inflated ego or send the message that the child has already mastered a task and doesn’t need to work on improving. The child may also know that what you’re saying isn’t true and may not believe sincere praise in the future. When you offer praise, say something that’s true and focus on a child’s effort, diligence and perseverance.
Let Your Kids Know That You Love Them Unconditionally
Make sure that your children know that you will always love them, even if they make mistakes and experience failure. Knowing that you have their backs and that you will support them even when things don’t go their way can give your kids the confidence to take chances and persevere.
Be Careful When Criticizing and Punishing
There will be times when your kids make mistakes or deliberately violate rules. There can and should be consequences, but you should take an approach that will help your children in the long run. Criticize a specific behavior, not the person, and impose fair and logical consequences for misbehavior.
