Your toddler or preschooler may still be learning how to express thoughts and feelings. The ways that you interact in the early years can influence your child’s self-concept, level of confidence and responses to challenges throughout life.
Get on Your Child’s Level
For a young child, engaging in conversation with an adult who is towering overhead can be intimidating. Squat down so you’re on your child’s level, make eye contact and demonstrate that you’re interested.
Listen to Your Child
It’s natural to want to finish a sentence if your toddler can’t seem to find the right word or to want to correct every grammatical error. Resist the temptation and pay attention to what your child is trying to communicate.
Make it clear that your child’s experiences, feelings, thoughts and opinions matter, even if they’re different from yours. Ask open-ended questions that show that you’re genuinely interested.
Pay Attention to Your Body Language
Kids understand nonverbal communication. It’s easy to get frustrated if your child is chattering non stop while you’re trying to cook dinner, but negative responses from you can affect your child’s self-esteem.
If you roll your eyes, sigh or seem distracted, that will convey the message that what your child is saying doesn’t matter. You won’t be able to eliminate distractions all the time, but you should focus as much as possible and make a point to spend one-on-one time talking with your child without distractions on a regular basis.
Tell Your Child What to Do, Not What Not to Do
Kids often do things that they shouldn’t because they simply don’t know any better. Telling your child what not to do may just add to the confusion. Instead, focus on what you want your child to do. For example, instead of saying, “Don’t leave your coat on the chair,” say, “Hang your coat in the closet.”
Praise Your Child for Effort and Good Behavior
Kids won’t do things perfectly the first time, or even the first several times. Focus on effort and improvement, not results. That will teach your child that it’s normal to make mistakes and that it’s important to keep trying.
When you notice your child doing something positive, such as completing a chore without being asked or sharing with a sibling, praise the action. Be specific so your child understands what you’re happy about and will want to repeat the behavior.
Call Out Bad Behavior, But Don’t Criticize Your Child Personally
It’s important to note the difference between getting upset with a child’s behavior and getting upset with the child. All kids will make mistakes and do things that they’re not supposed to do.
Point out a negative behavior, explain why it was wrong and impose consequences when necessary, but make it clear that you’re criticizing the behavior, not the child. For example, say, “I’m upset because you scribbled on the wall,” not, “You’re a bad boy/girl.”
