Parents want to protect their children from harm, keep them out of trouble and keep daily life from devolving into chaos. While you absolutely need to have rules and set boundaries, it’s also important to allow your kids to make some decisions on their own.
Reasons to Let Children Make Decisions
Children need to have some control over their lives. If they feel that adults are just giving them orders all the time and not allowing them any freedom, kids will become angry and resentful, which will make them likely to act out. Allowing children to make appropriate choices can give them a sense of agency and make them more likely to behave and respect rules.
Often, parents think they know what their kids want or need, or they just want to avoid a long discussion or an argument. Having adults make all the decisions may make things run smoothly, but it can also make kids feel that they’re being excluded and that they aren’t important members of the family. Expressing their own opinions and preferences can make children feel closer to other family members.
Being allowed to make decisions can help children build confidence. A successful outcome can make kids more prepared to make other decisions in the future. It can also inspire them to make bolder choices, which may lead them to discover new foods, books and activities that they enjoy.
Even if things don’t turn out well, kids can learn valuable lessons. Children need to learn what works and what doesn’t. They need to understand that actions have consequences. That means that sometimes, they have to be allowed to make choices that adults might not support or agree with. It’s all part of the process of growing up and becoming a mature, responsible adult.
When and How to Let Your Kids Make Choices
This doesn’t mean that your kids should be allowed to do whatever they want. They have to go to school, do their homework, brush their teeth, go to bed, etc. You also don’t want to allow your children to do things that might get them or someone else hurt, cause property damage or violate the law.
Let your kids make decisions that are reasonable and age appropriate. For example, you can let a young child decide which book to read or which game to play. If you’re planning dinner and you’re considering two side dishes, you can let your child choose one.
The key is to offer children two or more specific options, as long as any of them would be fine with you. As your kids get older and get better at making good decisions, you can give them more freedom to make choices that will help them learn and grow.
