Place as Vital as Space
Location is important, too, especially if the older generation is still more active than elderly.
“The younger the parent is, the closer to town it seems they want to be,” Straughan says. “Dad can get in the car and go to the post office or run to the grocery store. He still has his freedom and feels like he’s independent.”
Regardless of the home’s location or configuration, multigenerational living arrangements don’t always work out.
Straughan recalled one multigenerational family that sold a five-bedroom home to another multigenerational family.
“They were moving, and mom was getting her own home,” she says. “They were only there a year. I think it was little too close for comfort.”
House-Hunting Tips
If you’re in the market for a home to share with your adult relatives, here are some tips to make the arrangement work for you—and them.
—Open the discussion somewhere other than your home. “A neutral location helps level the hierarchy of the family. The (arrangement) ends up being an exchange of services and assets among adults. It’s not a parent-kid thing,” Graham says.
—Include nonresident adults in the discussion. “Siblings get uptight when it looks like one is getting some advantage in a current living or potential inheritance situation. Once you start mixing assets and families, you’d better get everybody involved or there will be a lot of calls to attorneys,” Graham says.
—Treat your parents or children like adults. “Try to get away from the paternalism,” Graham suggests.
—Consider a new home. Some homebuilders have accommodated the multigenerational housing trend by including a so-called accessory apartment with a new house, Graham says. The apartment is intended to house a relative with a separate entrance and separate kitchen and living space. Older homes are less likely to have this layout.
—Get everyone’s ideas on the table. “You might have conflicts while you’re discussing and deciding things, but as long as it’s a family decision, you won’t have as many family explosions or meltdowns later on,” Graham says.
Find out everyone’s must-haves and won’t-accepts. “What helps is getting everyone on the same page upfront,” Marshall says. “What can you not have? Are you OK with that? What do you really want? Everyone says, no, this won’t work.”
Marcie Geffner is a contributing reporter for Bankrate.com.
©2014 Bankrate.com
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