ISMEDIA, May 31, 2007-Most people do not have the luxury of hand-picking who they work with. And in most work environments, this means that there’s at least one bad apple in the bunch. Most also don’t have the luxury of changing their workday around to avoid said bad apple, which means they are forced to interact with someone they’d really rather not, for a significant portion of their lives.This does not have to be as bad as it sounds, though. While one won’t be able to change the difficult person into someone they adore, they do have the complete ability to change their reaction to the person and the situation, and that makes all the difference.
Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates and featured expert in the film and New York Times bestseller “The Secret,” says, “Remember, if you work with someone difficult, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Also remember that this is just a job…you always have the choice about how you react to your colleagues and whether or not you stay.”
Today’s the day to step up and address the person that’s making work unpleasant. Interestingly, according to Dwoskin, often the most effective tips have nothing to do with the other person, but everything to do with the one who has the problem.
Dwoskin offers the following tips to work with difficult people:
1. Let go of reactions. Maybe the difficult person at work belittles others’ contributions. Perhaps he spreads rumors or doesn’t contribute his fair share. The problem really doesn’t matter. What is important is the reaction to the problem — and, more so, one’s ability to let it go.
“By letting go you take charge of how you feel, and I have seen three common things happen when people “let go” on difficult people,” Dwoskin says.
• You will feel better and can often get to the point where they are no longer bothered by the difficult person.
• The difficult person often changes for the better because they are no longer getting a reaction. It takes two to tango.
• The difficult person may even get transferred out of the department or quit once the reaction is let go completely.
“If you let go, you feel better and can make what seemed like an intolerable situation much more tolerable or even enjoyable,” Dwoskin continues.
2. Focus on the good things. It’s easy to focus on the negative aspects of the job, but how about giving some attention to the good things? When feeling frustrated, that’s the time to make a gratitude list of things to be thankful for about the job (and when at home, expand the list to other aspects of life).
3. Take matters into your own hands. Part of what makes working with a difficult person, well, difficult, is the helplessness that it can evoke. It might even be feeling trapped into working with this person. Get rid of the feeling of helplessness by first releasing it with The Sedona Method, then taking control of things. For instance, bypass working with the person, if possible, and go directly to the boss with ideas and suggestions. Let the person’s annoying behaviors slide off like drops of water, and engage in happy, intriguing and productive thoughts instead.
The Sedona Method — studied and verified effective by Harvard Medical School — is a tool that will help people tap into their inherent ability to release and let go of negative emotions (like their reactions to a difficult colleague).
“Once you let go of the inner motivators,” Dwoskin says, “the actions follow with greater ease and effectiveness … you can let go of any negative emotions about a difficult person and learn how to have a healthier workday.”
Finally, Hale Dwoskin reminds everyone to “remember that you have control over whether you stay in your current job or not. There’s always the option of finding a new job, if that’s what you decide is best for you.”
For more information, visit http://www.sedona.com/html/lp-difficultpeople.aspx.
