Even though there are lots of books about parenting, it’s still difficult to figure out how to raise kids and how to respond to everyday situations and conflicts. If things don’t seem to be working, changing your parenting style may help you deal more effectively with your kids.
Why You Might Have to Switch Your Parenting Style
When parents feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to do, they often default to behaviors that don’t work because they don’t know what else to try or that was how they were raised. Parents sometimes react to a child’s misbehavior with a burst of anger, harsh words and punishments. While that may feel natural in the moment, it can actually make the problem worse.
All kids are different, so a strategy that works for one child may not work for another. Even siblings who were raised together can have completely different personalities and emotional needs.
An approach that used to work for a child may now be ineffective for the same child. Kids grow and change. Your six-year-old’s personality and interests may be completely different by the time they reach middle school, so the way you interact with your child should change as well.
How to Parent More Effectively
If your child misbehaves, calmly explain why the behavior was inappropriate. It’s possible that your child was acting out to get attention, didn’t understand a rule or thought there was a legitimate reason to break a rule based on the circumstances.
Accept your children’s personalities and interests, and relate to each child as he or she is. Don’t compare your children to each other or to someone else’s kids. Making comparisons can erode a child’s self-esteem and can make them feel as though they must pretend to be someone they’re not in order to win your approval. That can lead to sibling rivalry, depression, anxiety and other emotional problems.
It’s natural to want your kids to avoid making mistakes, but that’s how people learn. Do your best to protect your children from harm, but realize that it’s impossible to shield them from all bad experiences. Making mistakes can often teach kids a lot more than they could learn from a conversation or an argument with a parent.
Reflect on Your Parenting Style
Raising kids is tough, and the fact that kids are all different and that they are constantly changing makes it even more challenging. If misbehavior and conflicts keep cropping up, take a step back and ask yourself if your parenting style could be contributing to the problem. If so, look for ways that you can change the way you relate to your kids.
